when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
