11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
