Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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