i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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