It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
