Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
