His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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