Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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