I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize