the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
