I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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