Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
