So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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