take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
