Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
