why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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