I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
