Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
