I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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