Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
