im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
