i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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