omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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