i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
