Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
