Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
