come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
