You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
