the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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