i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
