after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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