i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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