im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
