It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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