hell yes lets make some ravioli
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
