He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
