Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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