I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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