did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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