the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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