and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
