You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
