If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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