update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
