You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
