An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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