I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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