"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
