he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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