So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
