when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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