Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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