I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
