I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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