This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she woke up with a sticky ear
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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