so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
