just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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