my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
