I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
