Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
