The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My balls are so social today.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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