Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
birth control should be required to get into college
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
